Church people:
Have we paused to consider the determined strength of a mom encountering immense challenges advocating for her child, or the particular perspective of a sibling?
Imagine just for a minute the constant demands, emotional pressure, and financial deliberations of parents and caregivers.
Siblings sometimes are overlooked, often carrying tremendous responsibilities their peers know nothing about. They are often at war with all the different emotions they feel like love, guilt, and going into protective mode.
Grandparents and other extended family love the parents and the siblings and the one with disabilities. They are processing their own roles in this disability world. They may be uncomfortable and at the same time have a great desire to help, but they have no idea how.
Each member of a family affected by disability is touched in unique ways.
Do we see them? Do we know their distinct needs? Do we validate them as individuals?
This is a message to those who are looking to help the other members of a family affected by disabilities in your church.
Families with a member who has disabilities of any kind are at risk. It is hard to keep any family strong spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, but when you add the particulars that come with the special challenges of disability, it is super tough.
But you can make a difference.
The family as a unit is strengthened when each individual is seen, heard, and loved. The one with disabilities is better cared for because the entire support system is stronger.
In the family, as in the church, and in our physical body, ALL members are not only important, but ALL of the parts are indispensable and necessary. Those with special needs and disabilities have unique gifts that are essential to the health of the whole church! The church is not complete without them. The same is true for their parents and siblings and grandparents, etc. We are not complete without everyone!
For example, let’s look at the picture of the body of Christ as we find it in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27.
14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?
21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable”
So, let’s endeavor to walk a mile in each of their shoes: observing them, genuinely seeing them, and honestly hearing them.
What might a typical day look like for a parent juggling appointments, therapies, and the needs of other children?
How might a sibling feel when their family life looks so different from their peers’?
What unspoken concerns might a grandparent bear?
And what about the spouse of a person living with disability? How can we support this marriage?
And…let’s walk alongside the child who is growing up having responsibilities in caring for a parent with a disability and consider their perspective.
Might we stop often and pray for eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to truly care.
Here are some ideas of how we might support parents, children, siblings, grandparents, and other family members:
- respite care for parents,
- support groups for siblings,
- marriage counseling opportunities for parents who are couples,
- parent support groups,
- counseling referrals for the whole family,
- meal trains,
- transportation assistance,
- help with household tasks,
- workshops for siblings on understanding disability,
- resources for parents,
- connecting families with relevant organizations,
- creating inclusive church environments where everyone feels seen and valued,
- providing opportunities for connection and shared experiences.
Also keeping in mind the joint needs of the family unit, here are some more ideas:
- Family fun days adapted for all abilities
- Parent-child support groups
- Creating opportunities for families affected by disabilities to connect
We have noticed over the last ten years of facilitating a parent support group that families who have a member living with disabilities love to be with other families affected by disabilities. These are the people who will understand them the most. They do not have to explain much as these families have so much in common. It is important to be understood. Creating this kind of community also offers deep friendship opportunities.
You can facilitate belonging for families in church by:
- Offering special training for ministry staff and volunteers in Adult, Youth, and Children’s Ministry to consider the specific and unique needs of the individuals that make up a special needs family.
- Encouraging ministry staff and volunteers to join communities and organizations like Key Ministry to stay fresh with ideas they can implement to meet the needs.
EVERY LITTLE THING THAT YOU DO IS A BIG THING.
Church people – let’s take small, achievable steps to be more whole family focused.
Purpose to validate the struggle of parents and listen carefully for any possible hint of something small that might encourage them. Start by simply asking them, “How are YOU doing?” Often the parents of children who have disabilities are not seen.
Keep an eye out for where the siblings can be invited in to be with peers or to serve in their unique way and consider how you might train the folks who are in that environment to keep a look-out for those siblings.
When you communicate about disability ministry, focus on the whole-family as well as on the individuals with disabilities.
Explore partnerships with local organizations that might be of help to the family. (Like us, Champions4Parents 🙂 )
Bridging the Gap.
This is something that we have become more aware of in church ministry. Often we construct different silos: children’s ministry, youth ministry, adult ministry, disability ministry, etc. Each ministry often operates isolated from the others. Meaning that Children’s ministry leaders are concerned only about how the children are doing in their own particular realm. Youth leaders are silo focused on the youth aged students. Adult ministry leaders are producing ministry opportunities with the adults. And it is truly a good thing for the leaders to be focused on their ministry.
And…we suggest that leaders also consider the other family members of the children, youth, and adults of those in their own sphere.
What if all the leaders of those various ministries regularly got together to discuss whole families and brainstormed about how they may come together in purpose to serve the needs of the whole family? We are not saying that individual stages of life ministries are a bad thing. They are not. We are only suggesting that if a family has a person living with disabilities, as well as a teen, a baby in the nursery, a toddler in preschool, a child in elementary — or any combination thereof — how cool would it be if the leaders of each of those ministries came together to consider how they might strengthen the family as a unit?
If we get input from the leaders of each area and work together to consider the whole family, we can create a cohesive and comprehensive support system for these families of disability.
The heart of Jesus.
With open hearts and a desire to reach every member of the family in the unique way each one needs, and as we understand the value and potential impact of supporting the whole family, we demonstrate the love of Jesus and establish a place where everyone belongs and can thrive.
Much love,
Tom & Julie Meekins
CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Voice or Text)
Facebook: facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: Champions4Parents.com
And check out Amy’s websites at
AmyChristineMeekins.com
Amystories.wixsite.com/heartrecharge
If you would like to support us financially as we provide love and support to Parents and Caregivers as well as Ministry Folks who serve families impacted by disability, we invite you to our donor page on our website: Champions4Parents.com/giving
