What about our Children’s Future?
When our children who have challenges are small, our schedules are often full of meetings with medical and developmental professionals to help us help our child to be all they were meant to be.
We spend countless hours researching, seeking advice, and scheduling appointments with recommended doctors, therapists or educators. We beg and plead with insurance companies and any other resource we find to help us financially reach the best of the best for our child. We do all manner of teaching them, training them, and advocating for them.
As they grow from babies to children to teens to adults, many seasons come and go. A lot of us progress from endlessly pulling out all of the developmental stops to questioning what life skills will help my child to thrive the best as an adult.
Now that we, personally, are on the other side — our daughter, Amy, is an adult — we thought it might be helpful to share some tips of what we have learned along the way.
The basic question we are asking:
What life skills will be helpful for my child going forward?
Know your child. Know what they are good at, what they like, what they care about. Know their weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Grab a blank computer screen or a fresh piece of paper. Write your child’s name across the top followed by… “is good at” Then, begin to list all of the things you know that your child is good at.
Here are some examples of adults with disabilities who we know and love:
Amy is good at public speaking, data entry, and making videos.
Max is good at painting hearts and sharing them with the world.
Timmy is good at caring for others, helping, organizing, folding and ironing the laundry, remembering, and reminding.
James is good at being compassionate and intuitive about people’s hurts and struggles, and with plumbing.
Maria is good at ice hockey, weightlifting, building relationships, and Excel spreadsheets.
Next, write across the page: “Some weaknesses and vulnerabilities.” You might include in this list things like: isn’t aware of strangers, doesn’t navigate street crossing well, is not good at sharing their needs, doesn’t give people their personal space, is sometimes inappropriate with hugging people, isn’t good with personal hygiene. Anything that comes to mind that you know about your child that makes them a little more vulnerable.
Add anything that is important for you to consider about your child and their future.
Take inventory. No matter where you are in your child’s journey, take inventory of the skills they have already attained. These are skills that do and will serve them well in everyday life.
List skills they need. What do you think they need to know going forward to help them have their best life? Make a list. This is very individualized. Ask others who know your child what they would add. Reevaluate and add and subtract from it as seasons come and go.
Make a plan. Look over the list that you made of skills that you think your child needs in order to create some more independence or to help them enjoy life more? Pick one or two skills to work on then develop a plan for teaching. You may need to be the one who teaches the skill or you may be able to find someone who can teach it better.
Periodically check over your plan to see if it needs updating.
Help them build a community. Who will be helping you to care for them? Who would help them to enjoy life? Who could offer friendship? What does the community have to offer? Find a church that has a ministry focus for people with disabilities.
Help them to find their purpose. Help them to identify what they like to do and what they are capable of doing. Help them to identify some way that they can bless or serve others.
For example, our Amy is intricately involved in our ministry to special needs parents. She does a lot of data entry for us. She helps with understanding electronic things. She is an excellent public speaker. She also enjoys making videos. She has a great on-camera presence. So, we encourage her in all of these areas to do work for the ministry. This gives her purpose. A few years ago she decided to start a prayer journal. One day she shared it with mom. Julie was blown away with how profound those prayers were and knew instantly that this would bless others. So, we helped Amy form her prayers into a devotional book and Heart re-CHARGE was published!
Recently, we asked parents this question: What is your child (who has challenges) – minors and adults – good at that you could see turning into something that would bless others or create a means for livelihood? And these were their answers:
“I know in my heart (my son) will be an amazing architect or engineer. He can build and use shapes in ways we never even thought about. He could also be a train engineer as trains are his passion.” SK
“[My son], too, could be an engineer or a Lego creator. He has a tub full of Legos. I’ve never seen anyone else who can randomly dig through 1000s of Legos and come up with a boat or an airplane with no picture or instructions.” EV
“[My older son] is like that also! We were just commenting today on how he can dig through 1000’s of legos and find an exact piece to finish his uniquely designed project. Me, I have to have instructions. [My younger son] will ultimately end up doing something working with his hands that does not require organizing or picking up when he is finished. He helped his dad build a deck this past summer and did a fantastic job.” MW
“[My son] loves to clean and to help me cook. Maybe he can become competent enough to do one of those at least to keep himself busy even if it is not a traditional job.” MB
“[Daughter #1] could work with children. [Daughter #2] could do something that requires precision. [Daughter #3] could follow her daddy around all day and do tasks with him like moving things to their rightful place! We need to open a business when the girls are older.” AL
“[My son] is really good at building creations with blocks, legos, and other building pieces. He loves showing me the things he builds.” RR
“[My son’s] teacher said in our IEP meeting that he has an amazing math mind and he solves problems in such unique ways and it blows her mind. I wish I would’ve recorded it when she said it.” TF
“She’s a great artist and quickly learns different drawing techniques. I could see her going into design or some other art field!” GL
“My son (7) is obsessed with all things microbiology (viruses, bacteria, fungi….and Pokémon). He wants to be a virologist when he grows up.” RB
“She loves animals, insects… Anything that crawls or moves.” SK
“Memorizing sports statistics. Specifically basketball. I think he could work for ESPN someday.” EN
“One of my clients is starting a handmade soap business.” KB
“Our daughter is good at crafting, especially yarn crafts. This is what she made just two weeks after she started learning to crochet in homeschool co-op a few years ago. Yet, it took her into 4th grade to master her addition facts. This is why it’s so important to realize that “giftedness” can appear in many different ways.” DF
With all of the challenges we face in the craziness of everyday life, how fun is it to dream about how our children can fulfill their purpose? No matter what age and what season – now is a good time to assess and plan.
As we assess our child’s strengths and challenges, we have a promise for a future plan that the Lord has prepared for our children and for all of us who love Him: “As it is written: what no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived — the things God has prepared for those who love him –” 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV)
Much love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: www.champions4parents.com
And check out Amy’s book at www.HeartReCHARGE.com
