Stop. Assess. Build.
Recently, I have become aware of three specific mamas who have experienced utter physical depletion and I know that there are many, many more.
What do I mean by depletion? They have very little left within them to take care of the things of daily living.
These are moms who have given everything they’ve got to and for their families without focusing on their own basic care on a consistent basis. (No judgment.) These are moms who have at least one child with special needs and whose needs are often unique, constant, exhausting, puzzling, and endless. These are moms who don’t get very many breaks and even if they may get a physical break, they are still on high alert with thinking about and planning for the medical, educational, social, and life-skill needs of their child. They may be processing a new situation with their child and/or trying to figure out what’s next and/or how to move forward in seemingly impossible circumstances.
These are moms who seldom get enough sleep or good nutrition – even if they take some time to grab a nap or eat something – it usually isn’t enough.These are moms who are either in the middle of a crisis with their child or digging out from the aftermath of one.
These are moms who just “take care of it” – whatever “it” is for the moment without a second thought. These are moms who aren’t looking for someone else to take over their responsibilities. These are moms who want the very best for their child with disabilities and their other family members and will do everything within their power to bring it about.
These are moms who don’t know they are in trouble until they are deeply depleted.
So, this begs the question. What can be done?
Prevention
So many of these moms think that taking care of their basic needs is selfish. I used to. They may have the mistaken idea that any focus on good physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health for themselves is the mark of a bad mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. This is a lie.
The truth is — and the moms who have come to the place of depletion can tell you – if you do not take care of yourself…you will not be able to care for your loved ones. It might be okay to pour out without sufficient self-care for a week, a month, a year, maybe even several years. But, our bodies, minds, emotions, and souls need nourishment. It is the way we are created.
So, mama, once you have made the decision that self-care is okay and maybe even important. You need to figure out what that means for you. I encourage you to start with baby steps.
Full disclosure: Please know that I am not coming from the point of view of a doctor, therapist, or pastor. I am coming as a mom of a child with a significant disability and her three siblings, as a wife of 42 years, as a mentor of other moms affected by disability, and as a friend. These ideas I am sharing with you come from 26 years of living this special needs life including my own experiences with depletion, a wrong idea of what self-care really is, and observing and walking with other moms throughout the years observing and engaging in their experiences as well.
My greatest desire is that you, mom, start now with a determination to find out your basic needs and work hard to find a way to fill them as you go about the life you are called to. It won’t be easy. There may be short seasons where it is impossible. But, you must come back to the focus of your own health and take the opportunity as soon as you can. If you are not inclined to do it for yourself – do it for those you love and who depend on you.
There are four areas of health that we will focus on for this blog post:
- Physical Health
- Spiritual Health
- Emotional Health
- Mental Health
Physical Health: What are the basic needs of our body?
Hydration
Nutrition
Rest
Exercise
Hydration: Drink water. Carry it around and make it available all throughout your day. It is okay to have other things to drink BUT it is critical that your main go-to is plain and simple water.
Nutrition: This is a hard one. I had to realize that nutritious doesn’t have to mean that I spend hours preparing it. Most moms of special needs children do not have hours for food prep. Also, my emotional health often declared that it wanted “comfort food.” My newest goal when planning a meal or a snack is to have something nutritious along with my “something fun.” For example, I love french fries. Well, to be honest – potatoes in almost any form is a definite fun food for me. So, if I want to have potatoes, I must pair it with something that is nutritious. For me, that might be some greens (sometimes, it is just a bowl of fresh spinach). Often, I will make a quick salad of some fresh spinach, chia seeds, walnuts, diced apples, and anything else nutritious that I have on hand. So, I get my nutritious food and I get my fun food. I may also pair a good healthy veggie soup with cream cheese crackers. You get the idea. Do your best to make available easy-to-grab nutritious foods and then make a commitment to pair them with a fun food if you need to in order to get it done.
Rest. Whew! This can be a challenge also, especially if our loved ones’ needs are intense. We are often a tired bunch of folks. I don’t know about you, but I fight taking the time to rest. I am not sure why. What I do know, though, is if I keep going like the energizer rabbit and do not take time to slow down and rest my body, I am sorry for it later. How about you? Whether the opportunities are few or you fight the need to rest, can you find a few minutes each day to stop and sit or lay down for a bit? At night time, can you make it a point to put down the phone or turn off the TV a little earlier so that you can grab sleep while your family doesn’t need you? Maybe, on those “constant” days where it is difficult to find a minute to rest, you can at least take a minute to mindfully breathe. Just this: breathe in, hold it for four seconds, then slowly breathe it out.
Exercise. I know. Not always an enjoyable thought. Basically, think of it this way: find a way to get your body moving. Maybe that is making the decision to park further away from your destination so that you have to walk a little more. Maybe that is putting your child in a stroller or wheelchair and taking a walk in your neighborhood or nearby park. Maybe it is push ups, dancing to a music video, or running. Do what makes sense to you in your world.
This is what I know and something my husband often reminds me of: “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” So, I encourage you to take your physical health seriously. Contact another special needs mom and help each other make this a priority.
Spiritual Health: What are the basic spiritual needs of the soul?
Communication from and with God, our creator/savior/counselor. Our souls need communing with our God. Here are just a few simple ways to fill this need.
*Have you surrendered your life and heart to the Savior, Jesus Christ? If not, do it today! Pray this prayer: Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner. I believe You died for my sins on the cross and then rose from the dead. I ask for your forgiveness and that you would help me turn from my sins. I invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust You and follow You as my Lord and Savior.
Communicate often with God. Prayer. Talk with Him about your day. Ask Him for His direction in the many decisions you have to make in a day. Share with him your deepest hurts and greatest joys. Know that He is with you every minute of every day. He is eager to share life with you.
Read and study the Word of God. Even if you only have five minutes – open the Bible and read what God has to tell you. Get a Bible app on your phone and listen to passages and books of the Bible while you are cooking, cleaning, driving, etc. When we spend time in God’s Word, we get a godly perspective.
Worship God – both personally and corporately. Personal worship is taken care of when we do the first three bullets in this section; getting right with God for now and for eternity, praying to God and listening to Him, and spending time in reading and studying His Word. Corporate worship happens when we commune with other believers in worship.
Emotional Health. What are basic emotional needs?
Take care of your physical health and spiritual health. See ideas above.
Community.
Do not do life alone.
Find a community who understands the struggle.
Find a way to love, encourage, and serve others.
Do that which brings you joy.
Are you an artist? crafter? writer? Take a minute to create.
Do you like to read? Take time to read a book.
Do you enjoy meeting up with friends? Take time to meet up.
Do you love a quiet walk, drive, time alone? Work to make it happen.
Mental Health. How can you keep your mind clear of clutter and filled with good?
Exercising good physical, spiritual, and emotional health will do wonders for your mental health.
Good mental health begins with good input. Give your mind the words of truth found in the Scripture. Listen to Scripture music. Fill your mind with things above as much as you can.
Limit time with people, tv and radio, social media, etc. that are toxic. Do you find yourself feeling belittled, frustrated, or angry, when you are around certain people or while watching TV or listening to certain things on the radio? Do you get sucked into the vortex of social media chaos? Stop. Assess. Limit.
The goal behind this blog post is to come alongside you, mama. I want you to know that you are not alone in the struggle to stay healthy in the ways that matter. The ideas given here are just a small representative of possibilities. If you would like to schedule a phone or video chat to talk about ways that you can take steps in your specific situation towards a commitment to taking care of yourself, send us an email at Champions4Parents@gmail.com and let’s get the conversation started.
With much love,
Julie
CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Voice or Text)
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: www.Champions4Parents.com
And check out Amy’s book at www.HeartReCHARGE.com
