Considerations for: Parents/Caregivers,
Potential Individual Respite Providers, and Churches
What do you think of when you see the word respite? If you are a caregiver, it might trigger a desire and a hope for a break so that you can rest and restore and rejuvenate. Many caregivers do not have adequate breaks to reset because the needs of their loved one with disabilities are constant and there is no one who is available to step in.
There are many different ways that respite can be provided to caregivers. It can be as complicated or as simple as both parties (the caregiver and the person or church providing respite) decide.
Respite can come from church, professionals, friends, extended family, or anyone who just wants to help.
A MESSAGE TO THOSE WHO MIGHT PROVIDE RESPITE
It might seem to be too difficult.
It might seem to be outside your comfort zone.
You may think you do not have sufficient time in your schedule.
You may not know where to start.
You may not know enough about what is needed.
BUT, the question is: Is there something in your heart that is telling you to explore it? Would you look into how you might provide some rest for a weary caregiver in a way that works for both of you?
Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
As a caregiver hopes for respite, could you be the one God wants to use to provide rest for them? You have an opportunity to serve the Lord by filling a need of someone else.
Sometimes it just takes a spark of compassion to set the wheels in motion. Consider these steps forward:
Always pray first. If you are even considering the question to begin with, then we think the Holy Spirit is working in you. He will guide you, if you ask Him.
Pick One. Start with one. We suggest that you pick a particular caregiver who you know could use a little extra help. If you don’t know any or if you know many and cannot pick one, pray and ask God to direct you.
Schedule a meet up.Every respite situation is unique. Every individual with disabilities is unique. Every home situation for individuals with disabilities is unique. Every caregiver is unique. This warrants a conversation. Contact the caregiver, tell them you would like to explore giving them a break, and ask to meet up to discuss the needs of the individual with disabilities, what they are looking for, and your availability, abilities, limitations, or anything else relevant to the both of you.
You may find that the need is really not all that complicated and that it would be well within the time you can allow in your schedule.
Recently, we got in touch with some parents who are caregivers and asked them how someone could provide respite for them.
These were some of their answers:
- We could have a bit of time to ourselves every once in a while.
- Being able to go away for a couple of nights
- I just want a babysitter for a few hours to go on a date with my hubby
- I have struggled to just find sitters for my doctor appointments
- 2 or 3 hours to get away and just be a couple to give us perspective and the ability to refill our cup.
Some caregivers need someone to care for the child or adult with disabilities just so they can run errands.
Some parents would love someone to babysit the child with special needs so that they could give attention to their other children.
Be honest about your concerns.
Start slow. Maybe you just provide a bit of a break for 15 minutes so the caregiver can take a walk around the block or sip tea and read a book in the house. If that works, increase the time that the caregiver is within reach for help. Gradually, you will get to know the individual with disabilities and grow comfortable with the situation.
A MESSAGE TO PARENTS OR CAREGIVERS
Pray. Pour out your heart to God. He knows your life is not easy. He knows that caring for your loved one along with all of the other responsibilities you have can be overwhelming, exhausting, confusing, and physically taxing. You may be sleep-deprived, anxious, and at a loss to know what to do next. Our Heavenly Father already knows. He wants to hear from you. He wants to be in connection with you. He wants to take care of you. He is waiting for you to come.
In Isaiah 40:30-31, we read, “Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
As a parent or caregiver who is tired and weary, take your requests to the Lord. He knows your struggle. He knows that you are faint, weary, and exhausted. He invites you to come to him in prayer. He will renew your strength and lift you up as on eagle’s wings.
Consider your basic needs and list them. This list consists of even the smallest things that would help. For example:
Caring for your loved one while you:
- make business/medical/personal phone calls.
- give attention to another child or your spouse in the home.
- walk around the block,
- read a book for 20 minutes,
- play a game,
- have an uninterrupted cup of coffee and a snack,
- do a video chat with a friend or family member,
- have a friend over for a little while.
You get the idea.
Be content with a little at first. As caregivers, we sometimes think too big. We may want overnights but we have to start with 30 minute breaks.
Consider your ideals and list them. This is when you dream of best case scenarios. As the opportunity presents itself, you will be ready for what you would like to have. In the meantime, however, we caution you to be content with what you do have.
Be careful not to fall into or express a sense of entitlement. We believe in pursuing everything you can to help you and your loved ones. We have seen, though, some folks who think the world should fall at their feet. This is not godly. This mindset creates an attitude that makes it impossible for anyone, including respite providers, to ever meet your expectations and lowers their desire to do so. We have seen many disappointed and angry parents and caregivers who are impossible to work with. You don’t want to be that parent or caregiver.
Train the respite provider with patience and grace. Remember you are around this all the time. What is simple for you, may be a little more challenging for someone else. Also, look at the bigger picture and see that this individual working with you may have great potential. They just need you to give them space to grow.
Beware of comparisons. Another robber of joy is comparing ourselves with others. Don’t let the green-eyed monster of envy visit your heart when you see other caregivers getting what you think you want. Instead, pray for help and wait patiently upon the Lord to provide what you need.
A MESSAGE TO CHURCHES WHO WOULD PROVIDE RESPITE
Do you know about Key Ministry? Keyministry.org is a wonderful resource for you. You do not have to reinvent the wheel. Check out this link for all kinds of help with disability ministry for your church. https://www.keyministry.org/churches
For the purposes of this blog post regarding respite, you will be blessed by this article: https://www.keyministry.org/church4everychild/2018/3/25/why-your-church-needs-to-start-a-respite-care-ministry
Much love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Call or Text)
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: www.champions4parents.com
And check out Amy’s book at www.HeartReCHARGE.com
