When is the last time you really felt like someone listened to you?
How did that make you feel?
How does it make you feel when you don’t feel listened to?
Do you think it is possible — that as parents, spouses, daughters, sons, nephews, nieces, sisters, brothers, grandchildren, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, bosses, pastors, counselors, teachers, trainers, associates in shopping environments, servers in restaurants, nursing home personnel, nurses, doctors, financial counselors, tellers, clerks, administrative assistants, and people everywhere who touch the lives of other people — we could all learn to listen better to others with our ears, our heads, and especially our hearts?
Would you, yourself, like to be a better listener?
If you are reading this blog post, you are most likely somehow touched by special needs. Either you are a parent or other family member of a special needs child, or a person who works with families affected by disability through medical, school, therapy, or faith-based communities. You may be someone who has a special empathy toward persons with disability and you engage in supporting those of us who support this community.
In the disability arena, we are constantly learning new ways to “listen” to the persons with disabilities and all who are advocating for or working with them. If the parents, the teachers, the therapists, the medical folks, and everyone in the community surrounding people with disabilities would make it a point to put their agendas aside just long enough to really hear the others, we may be able to work together better to make a difference for everyone in the community.
The word listen is defined as: 1) to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear. 2) to pay attention; heed; obey (listen to), and 3) to wait attentively for a sound (listen for).
Here are some tips that may help you to be a better listener.
Tip 1: First of all we want to listen to God, the one who created us. He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. We need only lean in, accept, and apply. I know I want to know what my Creator wants to tell me.
Here is how we can listen to God:
Read His Word, the Bible. Purpose to read a section, a chapter, a book of the Bible, or just a few verses at a time.
Pause to think about what He is saying in those words of life.
Stop to pray and ask Him to teach you through those words.
Ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit who counsels us and fills us with fruit like love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. The Holy Spirit is ready to guide us.
Pray for wisdom with direction and guidance.
Continually pause and listen for a sense in your spirit that God is saying, “yes”, “no”, or “wait.”
So, first and foremost and continually throughout the day and even in the night, actively listen to God our Father, Jesus our Savior, and the Holy Spirit.
Tip 2: Ask God to help you to listen to others on a whole new level. He knows what is going on with them. He wants us to show others that they are valuable. Ask Him to raise your awareness and then ask Him to show you how to make a difference in their lives in some small way. Sometimes all they need is to know that someone cares. Truly paying attention to what folks are really telling us, creates a deeper bond between people.
Tip 3: A good listener makes the experience all about the other person. Just for a time, put yourself on the back burner. Give the other person all of your attention. Do not listen so that you can find ways to steer the person to your own agenda.
Tip 4: A good listener focuses on the other person and gets to know who they are. Do you know about the book Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families, The 5 Love Languages for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities by Gary Chapman and Jolene Philo? The 5 love languages they refer to are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. When you spend time observing what another person’s love language is, you can practice their love language on them and love them better in a way that matters to them.
Tip 5: A good listener knows that hearing words is only ONE way to catch what the other person is communicating. Practice listening with all of you. Do your best to look at the person who is talking. Point your body in their direction. Watch their body language. Look for expression and gestures. Open your heart to sense their emotions.
Tip 6: A good listener looks deeper for other signs of communication. We all wish the folks in our world could understand our hearts and our minds without us having to explain every little detail to them, especially since we may not even know what we are thinking, why we are thinking it, what we are feeling, or why we are feeling it. We can teach ourselves to tune in better to really get a feel for what is going on with another person. We can make it our business to take notice and observe better with our ears, eyes, minds, and emotions.
When working to serve and love people with disabilities better, we often need to get creative in how to extract what they are really telling us, intentionally or unintentionally. With our Amy, who was nonverbal until four years of age, we got a great deal of information from looking into her eyes. They say that the eyes are the windows into the soul. Children who have difficulty with expressive language need us to help them let us know what they want and need and love and hate. Expressions, gestures, and moods can give us information. One mom says often it is by trial and error. Blessed is the child who has someone in their lives who will take the time to exercise trial and error with the goal of understanding better.
When we learn to practice the art of listening, really seeking the heart of the other person, whether a person with the disability or those in the community surrounding this person who are loving or serving them in some way, a ripple effect of respect, true concern, and cooperation will validate, love, and support each member of the community in a way that can change the world.
We would love to hear from you. Have you learned some great ways to truly listen to others? Do you have examples of folks who have done this well? Write to us at Champions4Parents@gmail.com and share your stories.
Much love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
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HERE’S HOW YOU CAN CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: www.champions4parents.com
And check out Amy’s book at www.HeartReCHARGE.com
