Some thoughts on Parenting, Mentoring, Teaching, Guiding them.
Obviously, in this blog post, we are not going to solve all of the challenges that we have as parents or ministry leaders in parenting, mentoring, teaching, and guiding kids and teens.
Our goal here is to just open up the conversation, share a few things to consider, and to point you to an amazing new resource.
I recently had the great honor of being on the launch team and reading a pre-released copy of Kim Botto’s book: “Boundless Hope for Every Child – Help for the Hurting, Compassion for the Misunderstood, Belonging for the Lonely.”
As I stated in my review, “I believe Boundless Hope for Every Child is absolutely a must-read book for ministry leaders and volunteers and it is a validation book for parents. It is well worth the time and a great resource for years to come!”
One of the things we were encouraged to do as part of the launch team was to share our favorite quotes as we continued our reading.
I will now be teasing you with just a few of the quotes that I picked in the reading of the book and some of my own personal takes on them with hopes that you are drawn into the opportunity to be enlightened, to be validated, to open your mind and heart to be curious, and to read and share this book with parents and ministry leaders alike.
It truly was hard to pick just a few quotes to highlight here as many of the ones I chose were so profound. Know that there is so much more within the pages of this book.
Here we go…
Quote: Choose hope when kids are hard and behavior is challenging. Approaching a child with hope, kindness, and empathy, believing they are doing their best, will change the way we show up and the way they respond. Kim Botto
The key concepts for me in this quote are:
- choose hope,
- believe they are doing their best,
- kindness, and
- empathy.
One thing I have learned is that quick reactions on my part usually do not bode well. We are human, too, and we can get caught up in the frenzy if we are not careful. So what can we do? First – take a breath. Then, consider what it means to choose hope in this situation. Choose also to believe that the child/teen is doing their best. We can bring kindness and empathy to this young person.
Also, later, away from dealing in the moment with this person, take a minute to ponder. Whether you are a parent or someone who is mentoring or teaching this person, reflect on some of the challenges you are facing. Remember that “it’s not about me.” In fact, that is the title of the chapter where you will find this quote in the book. It is in Chapter 9. Think about how you might have done better at choosing hope for this child/teen. Can you believe that they are doing their best? Imagine how you might show kindness and empathy next time.
Next Quote: A dysregulated child probably can’t hear you. So quit talking. Their thinking brain has left and their language is limited. Help the child to calm, and make sure you are also calm, before attempting to correct or coach. When the child calms and you do start talking, use as few words as possible. Kim Botto
The key concepts in this quote for me are:
- Quit talking when a child is dysregulated
- Help the child to calm
- Make sure I am calm before correcting or coaching
- Use few words
At this writing, I have been a sister of younger children for most of my life. I have been a mother for 36 years, a homeschool teacher to my children for a lot of those 36 years, and I have been a grandmother for 9 years. I am well aware of my short-comings in each of these areas. What I do know is that – when I have taken the time to calm myself during a difficult moment or situation before approaching a younger sibling, a daughter or son, or a grandchild – things go way better. I do that by counting to 10 (or 100 depending on the situation!), by doing some quick breathing exercises, by shooting those desperate arrow prayers upward knowing that the God who created the universe also cares about this moment in the life of this child or teen.
Another lesson that has been helpful through the years of parenting, teaching, and grandparenting is that when a child is dysregulated (having difficulty controlling emotions or behaviors), they cannot access reasoning. Therefore, it is best if I don’t try to engage them in conversation. Our tendency as adults often is to “fix” the problem quickly. For some children and teens, giving them private space is helpful for them to begin to take steps to regulate. Other children need just to know you are near. I have been known to offer a snack without words and that has begun the calming process. My own children have been helped by me giving them a hug. Just turning down the lights and creating a quieter space has been helpful when an overstimulating environment is contributing to the dysregulation.
Even when the person has calmed, it is still important to use less words.
This previous quote is taken from Chapter 10 which is entitled: “Strategies that Don’t Work”.
Next Quote: When we are curious and flexible, we are better able to create environments for kids to succeed. Kim Botto
The key concepts for me in this quote are:
- Be curious
- Be flexible
- Create environments for kids to succeed.
This quote came from Chapter 24 which is all about supporting parents. I think that if everyone who has the opportunity to influence children would implement these three things, the world would be an incredibly better place.
The word curious just fills my heart with wonder. It brings out the detective in me. It satisfies my desire for learning. What if the satisfying of my curiosity taught me new things about this child and the way he or she learns, engages with others, and what is important to them? What if I took that information and created an environment that was ripe for that child to succeed. Chances are setting that up would not only help this one child or teen but others as well.
Sometimes we get stuck in “the way things are supposed to be done” or “I don’t know another way to teach, mentor, guide, engage”. What if we were open to being flexible and pursuing new ways to engage with children and teens?
If we are concerned with helping families to thrive and be strong, just think what curiosity, flexibility, and creating environments for kids to succeed would open up for families in church? Children and teens would be loved and wanted in the community and they would get that sense of belonging. When kids and teens find a place, parents can spread their wings a little more and take advantage of opportunities to grow in Christ, in building relationships with other adults, and in serving. Families who find churches where they feel wanted, needed, and loved are more likely to be strong and extend their own talents and gifts to the community. It is a win-win.
Well – I truly would love to give you so much more, but that would make for a very long blog post.
If something in this blog post resonates with you and you would like to have a conversation around these thoughts, send us an email at Champions4Parents@gmail.com or text us at 410-746-9010 and let us know your desire to connect. We can meet by email, telephone, Zoom or in person if you are local to Central Virginia.
Much love,
Julie Meekins
CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Voice or Text)
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And check out Amy’s websites at
AmyChristineMeekins.com
Amystories.wixsite.com/heartrecharge
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