Creating Healthy Nurturing Homes in these Challenging Times
Recently, during our parent support group gathering on Zoom, we had a lively discussion about how we, as parents, are uniquely positioned to provide certain things in a child’s life. We chatted about what is most important to bring to our children.
These days of COVID-19 can be socially restrictive and potentially anxiety producing. We are constantly setting up new routines for educating and socializing our children.
We need to find ways to safely run errands.
We are working hard to provide nurturing, healthy, and stimulating activities for our children in a world where many things that were once available to us are not as convenient.
We find ourselves having to get creative around every corner of our lives. Opportunities such as indoor playgrounds, children’s gyms, the public library, indoor sports, and indoor anything, really, look way different than they used to look.
So, what is a parent to do? What is most important for us to focus on when it comes to providing our children with strong nurturing environments?
Obviously, we need to give them the basics, a safe home, food to eat, clothes to wear, proper hygiene and cleanliness.
Next, what can we do, as parents, to help our children to be emotionally and spiritually healthy?
We so want to be intentional about creating a home environment for our children where there is love, and peace, and where they feel they are important, where they have a voice. These are the things that bring our children security.
So, practically speaking, how can we do it? How can we design a safe haven for our children?
Here are some of the ideas that came from the parents of our group:
Be a role model. Our children are watching us constantly. Even when we think they are not, they can sense the attitude and atmosphere we create in our homes. We have the wonderful opportunity of showing them by our own example good ways of coping with frustrations, anger, disappointment, and overwhelm. We can look for silver linings in OUR clouds and teach them to do the same. We can open our hearts and our eyes to see the thousands of gifts around us – both big and small. We can stop and thank God for these gifts and draw the children into that moment.
Have authentic discussions about what is possible and what is not possible. Sometimes our children may be unrealistic in what they are able or permitted to do. Helping our children with challenges to understand reality without discouraging their desire to dream can be a bit tricky. It is important to be truthful and to steer them toward the attainable with love and hope. For example, when our Amy was younger, she decided that she wanted to be a famous singer. While we, as her parents, loved the effort of every off-tune note that came out of her mouth, we knew that with the degree of hearing loss that Amy has, it was pretty unlikely that a singing career was in her future. It broke our hearts to see her disappointment as she began to understand that reality check. We worked hard and still work hard to present alternative gifts and talents that she could foster. Now, she is the author of a devotional book and makes videos to encourage folks.
Ask for forgiveness. We are going to blow it sometimes, perhaps daily. Count on it. When our first two girls were very young, Julie had a positive life-changing conversation with Tom’s sister, Brenda. Julie was distraught because she knew that she said some unkind things to the children and created a stressful environment in her home. Brenda, having been at this parenting thing years longer than Julie, gave her this advice, “have you asked them for forgiveness?” How wonderful that we don’t need to despair. Jesus teaches us to forgive. We can teach our children to forgive, first, by our own example, when they need to ask for forgiveness, and also when we mess up and need to ask them for forgiveness. This is an amazing relationship builder.
Take time to explain in the best language your child can understand why you have to do something different. Many of our children have much difficulty dealing with “plan b.” If we have told them things are going to be a certain way or they remember the normal routine and then all of that gets rerouted, whew! We know how exhausting it can be to repeatedly explain the change, give a reason for the change where you can, and the plan to move on to a different way. We have to remember that often children need things to be communicated often and in several different manners, i.e. verbally, with visual charts, with pictures, with examples, with role plays, and maybe even with videos. First, validate their feelings. Then, communicate often, in various ways, if necessary, and with love.
Take advantage of teachable moments. Sometimes we get so busy that we miss the moments where our children are open for new ideas or the times when a situation presents itself with a prime teaching tool. We had to pray that God would open our eyes and ears and make us aware and ready in those moments. We also had to pray that God would give us the patience to stop what we were doing and the creativity to teach well.
Mom and Dad, you are doing a good job. In spite of the pulls and tugs from every which way and the constant barrage of confusing information that leads you to have to create alternative schedules, routines, and methods of doing life, you are doing better than you think you are. You love your children. You are committed to doing the best you can to bring them all the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health you possibly can. Hopefully, the ideas here will help you to get back on track and stay on track.
Remember, we all need support as we create healthy family environments. Make sure you invite into your circle those folks you can trust to help you be the best parent you can be. You may want to join a support group for parents raising children with challenges.
If you would like to brainstorm with us, we would love to hear from you.
Love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
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HERE’S HOW YOU CAN CONNECT WITH US:
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010
Facebook: www.facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: www.champions4parents.com
