(Part Three in the series: The Biggest Struggles for Christian Parents of Children with Disabilities. Each blog post in this series stands alone well.)
Parents, caregivers, anyone who loves and supports parents and caregivers, ministry leaders who care and want to serve individuals affected by disabilities and their families and caregivers, this blog post is for you!
We know that parents and caregivers of children with disabilities have many unique challenges – whether those children are still young or have grown to adulthood. Over the next few months we hope to highlight some of the biggest struggles and find some practical and hope-filled solutions.
Our goal with this series is two-fold. We want parents and caregivers to know that we see you and we hear you. It is also our goal to enlighten everyone – to give greater knowledge or understanding – to expose that these challenges are real and often difficult, confusing, agonizing, but also sanctifying. In all of the experiences any of us go through, God gives opportunity for them to be used for His glory and our good. We don’t begin to understand the complexity of God’s sovereign plan BUT we believe there is one and trust that our God loves His people.
We also invite interaction. If you are a parent or caregiver or a ministry leader or volunteer and you see something in this outline that you resonate with and want to share a personal insight or personal story, or need to talk it over with someone, email us at Champions4Parents@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you!
To read other posts in this series and all our other blog posts, go to https://champions4parents.com/category/blog/
There are many challenges that come with parenting and being a caregiver to an individual with disabilities – whether they are children or adults. In this writing, let’s focus some on the emotional and psychological toll this role often takes.
Grief, loss, exhaustion, stress, trauma (medical or parent/caregiver ptsd), loneliness, isolation, guilt, shame, fear for the future, and doubting decisions already made often accompany the day- to-day care for children and adults with disabilities.
Warning: the toll it can take:
As a result of these stressors, parents and caregivers can end up with emotional burnout and exhaustion. Mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms, and PTSD may develop. The challenges a parent or caregiver faces can have a negative impact on identity and relationships leaving one with an erosion of personal identity, guilt and shame, and strained relationships.
If you recognize these signs in yourself or in other parents and caregivers, it is time to give it attention.
THE GOOD NEWS – EMOTIONAL HEALTH STRATEGIES:
These strategies are not luxuries, but are essential for sustainable and effective caregiving. When you are on an airplane, the flight attendant always instructs that if you are traveling with a child (or a person with a disability) and it becomes necessary, you must place an oxygen mask on yourself first and then on the one who you are caring for. In other words if you are depleted of oxygen or any of the other things that sustain life, you will not be able to care for anyone else.
So, here are some good strategies for getting back to and maintaining good emotional health:
1. Acknowledge and Validate the Loss and Grief.
There is ongoing unresolved loss of the typical life, expected milestones, or health for the one who loves and cares for an individual with disabilities. Naming the grief makes it real. Allow those difficult feelings of exhaustion, frustration, or resentment. It is okay to love the individual and struggle with the situation. It will lighten guilt and shame. It might be helpful for you to acknowledge the losses with journaling, writing a letter, or finding a support group. Remember that God sees and validates your pain. Even Jesus wept (John 11:35). He is “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Psalm 56:8 says, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book”.
2. Give Yourself Compassion and Grace.
We all have an inner critic. Challenge yours with thoughts like “What would I say to a friend in this exact situation?” Reframe negative thoughts with statements like, “I am not a failure, I am an exhausted person operating under near-impossible constraints.” The grace that God has shown you is the model for the grace you should extend to yourself. He loves you not based on your performance, but on Christ’s finished work. He is ready to give you everything you need to replace your self-condemnation with His kindness. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). Receive God’s compassion. When the inner critic speaks, immediately speak the truth about God’s forgiveness and kindness over yourself and remember that you are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).
3. Build Your Own Safety Net and Counter Isolation. Find disability-specific peer support. These people will truly understand the complexities of being parents or caregivers to individuals with disabilities. It will reduce loneliness and the feeling of being misunderstood. Consider creating a care team that moves you away from relying only on family or close friends and that will expand your support. Look for respite opportunities and professional caregivers to give you a break. A small break, even if only once a week, can be life-saving. Let people know your needs. It’s okay to say that you need an hour of respite care next week. God created us for community. He loves you and does not intend for you to walk alone. As Christ followers, let’s carry each other’s burdens. (Galatians 6:2).
4. Address Stress Proactively.
Establishing a routine that allows for flexibility, will set up a structure and predictability to reduce the fear for the future and daily stress. Set boundaries and learn to say “no” to non-essential demands. Peace is a gift, not something we have to earn. God loves you and is ready to give you what you need to combat fear. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). When stress rises, pause to list three things you are thankful for and invite God’s peace to guard your heart.
5. Rebuild Who You Are.
If you have lost yourself somewhere along the way, it is time to rebuild who you are. Here are some simple ideas: Plan to implement small moments of self-care. Julie likes to read historical fiction novels and makes time to do that each day. Maybe you only have time to listen to a favorite song, stop a minute to sip on a cup of coffee or tea, step outside and breathe in fresh air, or lie down on the couch or your bed for 10 minutes. Get creative. Maybe you need to get back to things you used to love doing, i.e. crafting, sewing, learning about something that interests you through YouTube or classes. During your small self-care moments, listen to a worship song or meditate on a Bible verse that reminds you that you are a beloved child of god.
In conclusion: Cast your burdens.
You are not meant to carry the weight of grief, loss, exhaustion, stress, trauma, loneliness, isolation, guilt, shame, fear, or doubt alone. Jesus invites us to rely on His strength. He tells us, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) When you feel exhausted or stressed, intentionally take a moment to surrender your anxiety and burdens to the Lord in prayer because “He cares for you”. (1 Peter 5:7)
We hope that something in this writing encouraged you and helped you to know that you are not alone. We hope that you have found some spiritual truths to buoy your commitment to carry on with the tasks that God has appointed as either a parent/caregiver or a person in ministry. We pray for your strength, stamina, wisdom, and grace.
Remember that we, at Champions4Parents, are for you. If you want to brainstorm next steps or need a little extra encouragement, email us at Champions4Parents@gmail.com.
We would also love to know what resonated with you in this blog post.
Much love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
CONNECT WITH US: We are here for YOU!
We invite you to connect with Tom, Julie, and Amy through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Voice or Text)
Facebook: facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: Champions4Parents.com
And check out Amy’s websites at
AmyChristineMeekins.com
Amystories.wixsite.com/heartrecharge
If you would like to support us financially as we provide love and support to Parents and Caregivers as well as Ministry Leaders who serve families impacted by disability, we invite you to our donor page on our website: Champions4Parents.com/giving
