As a parent, spouse, family member, dear friend, what do you think and how do you feel about desiring healing for a loved one with disabilities? If you are the one with the disability, how do you feel about others’ desires and prayers for your healing? As a person who serves people with disabilities — children (and their families) and adults, what should be your position?
We recently had this conversation in person and online with many people. There were representatives of parents, caregivers, adults with disabilities themselves, and others who loved or served children and adults with disabilities in ministry or in extended families. The ideas that were shared boiled down to five main perspectives. You will see that each perspective or idea is not mutually exclusive but has threads of commonality throughout all of them.
The difference between praying for healing vs. asking God to completely change the person with the disability. The people with this perspective said that it is not okay to pray for healing for disabilities like Autism and Downs Syndrome because that implies that there is something wrong with the people with these disabilities and that they need to be “normal”. They say that Autism and Down Syndrome in particular are not illnesses or defects that need to be cured. One person even made the comment that “the assumption that all disabilities need to be healed is indeed deeply ableist.” Most of them stated, however, that it is okay to pray for and desire the healing of gut issues, depression anxiety, medical issues, surgery, hospitalization, and cancer, for example.
Yes! Definitely pray for the disability – no matter what it is – to be healed. What about Jesus healing the blind, the lame, etc.? One person shared that Jesus never intended for those people to be blind and lame and His healing of these disabilities showed them mercy. Another commenter said that praying for healing is not wrong but the key is that hope is placed in the Lord even if healing isn’t found. There needs to be a healthy balance between desiring healing and the acceptance of the here and now.
Understanding who God is and who we are and understanding and reaching for purpose. One mom shared that she prays that her children know God’s love for them and that they realize their purpose. A woman on the Autism spectrum said that she would love to experience some healing from some of the things she deals with because of the impact those things have on her life. She also knows God can use those things to help others and calls it a double edged sword. She stated that she wants to be able to better understand her purpose. Several parents shared that their kids with disabilities are happy and use their disability to point others to Jesus. They are using all that God created them to be to glorify Him. Another mom said that we can pour out our hearts to God and ask for healing but at the same time trust Him to do His good and perfect will. One adult with a disability shared that they reflect a facet of God that might not otherwise be seen. One commenter had this to share: “He’s (God is) more concerned with our hearts. If he heals the physical, will He get the glory? Will that person also get a healed heart? Maybe. If He heals our heart and we have been drawn closer to being like Jesus on the inside, then our lives are so much more the richer. Galatians 2:20 it’s not I who live but Christ who lives in me. Jesus carries my burden if I learn to let go and let Him.”
Relationships
The one idea that came up over and over again as this question about praying for or seeking healing for disability is that the key is relationships. One person shared that we should not be making assumptions about what people want, but instead we put the intention into building authentic relationships. When a person feels that you truly have their best in mind and not your own agenda, they often will open up and share their own desires. We need to take a step back and give them the space to be who they are and where they are in their journey. It is about respecting them.
In the process of researching for this blog post, we have heard some difficult stories. More than one person with a disability shared that people they don’t know at all or know very well approach them desiring to pray away their disability. Some folks think that a person with a disability is disabled because of sin and some believe there is a hindrance in fully knowing Christ if someone has a disability. Some believe that the person needs deliverance from demonic elements. That is what motivates these folks to pray away the disability. However, we want to remember the passage in the Bible about the man born blind. His disciples wanted to know who sinned, the man – or his parents. Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:3)
There are people on both sides of the fence. Some truly want to be healed and welcome prayers for that healing. Others are in a place where they accept who they are right where they are and want others to accept them there also. You will not know who is who unless you have a relationship with them. So many commenters suggested that we not assume which side of the fence a person is on.
And then there is the situation of parents of younger children. Is it wrong for those parents to desire healing? Is it wrong for them to fully accept where their children are and to not pray for healing? As parents, at first we prayed for healing for the sole reason that we did not want to see our child suffer. We will pray for healing for all of our children and bonus kids (in-laws) when they suffer. We also appeal to God for His best for all of them. We know that God’s ways are so much better than our ways. He has the big picture and we do not. At the same time, He wants relationship with us and invites us to share our hearts and our desires. As it turns out, God said “no” to the healing of our daughter’s CHARGE Syndrome but “yes” to healing in many other areas.
So, how does a friend or a person in the church care for parents of children with disabilities regarding praying for healing or accepting the disability? Again, it is all about building authentic relationships with those parents and to prayerfully love them and their children in a way that matters to them.
During the course of working on this blog post, the following books and blog post were recommended by the folks who weighed in on the discussion:
*Disability and the Way of Jesus by Bethany McKinney Fox. Bethany shares, “I also wrote a book on this (focusing on Jesus’ healing work) for anyone interested in doing a deeper dive — showing that healing and curing are not always the same thing, and why. The book focuses on the healing ministry of Jesus, and is a good way to engage people who are using those examples from the Gospels to say that we should promote curing today just because that’s what Jesus did. That theology and those practices can be very wounding and harmful, and also, don’t necessarily fit with what it would actually mean to heal *in the way of Jesus* today. If you’re interested in checking it out, here’s a link.” https://www.amazon.com/Disability-Way-Jesus…/dp/0830852395
*My Body Is Not a Prayer Request: Disability Justice in the Church by Amy Kenny.
*Josiah’s Fire: Autism Stole His Words, God Gave Him a Voice by Tahni Cullen and Cheryl Ricker
*A blog post by Tait Berge: Here is my take. https://mynameistait.com/…/my-body-is-not-a-prayer…/
We are not necessarily endorsing these extra reads, but did want to give you the opportunity to check them out if you feel led.
Our conclusion is that the topic of whether it is the right thing to desire healing for disability is complex and multifaceted and personal. The Christ follower will want to consult the Bible to determine what God says about healing and disability and praying. In addition to that, we encourage each person grappling with this question to seek our Lord through prayer for what He wants for you or your loved one for today. Ask Him. He wants relationship with you. He is near and He cares. We believe that He has a plan for each one of us and that His plans are perfect. As parents of a child with a disability, we surrender to His plan and at the same time seek Him to find out our responsibilities all along the way.
What do you think? We would love to hear from you. What is your story? How have you wrestled with this question?
We, at Champions4Parents, provide love, support, and resources to parents of individuals impacted by disabilities and special needs, and equip ministry folks who serve these families.
You are always welcome to join us in our private Facebook group and also every third Thursday of the month as we Zoom with others in the disability community on topics and discussions relevant to parents and ministry leaders. Questions? Please feel free to reach out to us at Champions4Parents@gmail.com.
With Much Love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
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