As coordinator for the Pre-K department at our church, Julie is positioned to not only serve the typically developing community of 4 through 6 year olds, but also is strategically placed to serve the children who are struggling.
For example, struggles some children have been dealing with for a while become a little more obvious as they interact with their peers and the volunteer staff. These parents are being thrown into a whole new world of research and discovery.
You may have encountered this situation in your church in one way or another.
Maybe it looks like this: A child gets dropped off to his room. Things are going well until something happens to trigger a meltdown. This meltdown may manifest itself in:
- crying out,
- shouting,
- flailing about,
- throwing things,
- hitting other children,
- biting other children,
- hurting the adults and teen helpers,
- harming themselves.
On a recent Sunday, one precious little boy was dropped off at his class. This little guy was having a happy morning until he tripped over something and hit his head. The mom happened to be walking by immediately after when we were transitioning the classes from small group to large group in another part of the building and was not concerned about the mild injury to her son when he tripped. She went off to worship.
All was well in the large group time where the children were entertained with puppets and drama and song to bring home the Bible story for that morning and the little boy was settled. However, once the child got back into the classroom he had a certain expectation to continue playing with the toys that he so abruptly had to quit playing with when he tripped and needed comfort from the teachers. The plan for the class, however, was to gather on the rug to do an activity. This was a major disappointment for this child and he lost it. He began to yell and flail about and then started picking up things and throwing them. These are the steps we followed:
- We quickly and carefully and as kindly as we could removed this precious little boy from the classroom so that he couldn’t hurt himself or the other children or teachers.
- We helped him to a chair in a quiet place and began to speak calmly to him. This is when we begin to assess whether he will calm enough to have reentry into the class or whether we needed to involve the parents right away. We do everything we can to get the children back with their peers if at all possible. Sometimes, they calm well enough and with a little support reenter well. Sometimes that is not possible.
- He continued yelling, so we opted to contact mom to see what she wanted to do.
- She decided to take him home.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What must I do to make the child who is melting down and all the other children and teachers safe?
- Is the child able to calm?
- Is it necessary to call the parents?
- What words and attitudes should I use when communicating the incident to the parents?
- Is there something else about this child that you need to know in order to make his Sunday morning experience a good one?
The rest of the story…
Julie had the blessing to know that this child is adopted and suffers from RAD (reactive attachment disorder). He was adopted out of a traumatic situation. She had been supporting the mom with conversation and brainstorming through a series of breakdowns this precious child had been experiencing at home and at school and walking through a particularly difficult time with the family.
Our children’s groups also serve a lot of children who have been removed from their homes and are in foster care. We never know what these children have experienced.
One would say that these children “look normal” (or the politically correct term these days is “typical”. From the outside looking in, one might conclude that the child needs more discipline and the parents need parenting skills. While that may be true and often is not with these children, the point we want to make here is that ministry folks should always be open for more to the story. We must give the benefit of the doubt. We must be ready to love and support the child, the parents, and the volunteers in the classrooms with these children.
We also want to carefully choose our attitude and words when communicating to a parent whose child is struggling. More than likely they have encountered struggles with this child at home. A lot of the time they are exhausted and at a loss to know what to do next. That is why we need to extend love and support to the parents and not judgment in these situations.
Just some food for thought to help you anticipate and assess the situations you encounter in your ministry to children.
Much love,
Tom and Julie Meekins
