Supporting kids who experience the effects of trauma or hidden disabilities [such as ADHD, sensory processing sensitivity, anxiety, executive dysfunction, high-functioning autism] requires a new mindset on our part as ministry leaders. We need to shift from a focus on discipline to one of relationship, connection, and discipleship.
You can help every child to calm, feel understood, and stay engaged. You can help every child thrive!
Here are ten practical, actionable strategies to build connection with children so they are more able to receive the gospel message and hide God’s word in their hearts.
ONE: Reframe Behavior. It is important to realize that a dysregulated child is not being intentionally defiant – they have an overwhelmed nervous system. Behavior is communication. Let’s work on shifting from anger to empathy. Let’s have a goal to build connections and relationships.
TWO: Implement the Low & Slow Rule. When children see, hear, or feel an adult who is anxious or frustrated, they will become more dysregulated. Try this: Get down on their level but slightly to the side and not head on. Directly in front may make the child feel threatened. Soften your voice, lower the volume, move slowly. Kim Botto, author of Boundless Hope for Every Child gives this advice: “be careful what your face is saying”.
THREE: Build a “Recharging Station” (Quiet Corner): Set up a pop-up tent or a small rug behind a bookshelf filled with pillows, noise-canceling headphones, and visual fidgets (e.g., liquid motion timers). It is important that you frame this as a recharging station, never a punishment or “time-out.”
Check out our blog post: “What About the Difficult Children in Ministry – Part 1 – Sensory Needs” to find out more about different sensory processing needs.
FOUR: Provide Timers & Visual Schedules: Many children experience moments of anxiety during transitions or “free play” or unstructured time. Try these ideas to prepare them for what’s next:
Visual Schedule
Visual Countdown Clock
Give Specific 2 or 3 Minute Warnings
– Example: (“In 2 minutes, we are putting the Legos away and sitting on the rug”).
FIVE: Give Specific, Short, Positive Directions: Multi-step verbal directions can be overwhelming for a lot of children. We suggest something like this:
Don’t say: “Stop running around and pay attention.”
Instead say: “Stop. Freeze. Eyes on me.“
Wait 5 seconds to allow the child(ren) to process.
Then repeat if necessary.
SIX: Engineer the Energy: It is unrealistic for most children and especially those with sensory needs or other hidden disabilities to sit completely still while listening to a lesson.
Try this:
- Make moving normal. Provide wobble cushions, sensory wiggle seats, or plan to do a few jumping jacks or crawl around the room before — in the middle of — and after the lesson. If they need to stay at their seats, try this: stand up, reach high, arms down, march in place, turn around, sit down, move feet to one side and back again, move feet to the other side and back again.)
- Another thing you can do is incorporate movement that corresponds with the lesson. For example: jump, stomp, whisper, shout, tiptoe, throughout the narrative.
- Also, during the course of the time together – take 30 second brain breaks. (sit/stand, stretch, Simon Says).
SEVEN: Assign Deep Pressure Activities: Need help for fidgety energy? Carrying a basket of Bibles, stacking chairs, holding a heavy door, passing out supplies, or moving small tables or desks gives children needed proprioceptive input. You can call it a “special helper” job. This calms the central nervous system and helps kids regain body awareness. (Tip: It’s good for us adults as well 🙂
EIGHT: Build Rapport with Intentional Connection. A lot of struggling children get too much negative attention. This breaks down relationships. You have the honored privilege of building connection with these children. Defenses drop when children feel seen. Try this: Have your volunteers spend the first few minutes of each gathering time connecting with the high-needs kids. This is before the time together officially gets off the ground.
The leaders can:
- greet the children by name,
- notice something positive,
- ask about something they care about.
Let them know you are happy they are there – because you are!
NINE: Avoid Power Struggles by Offering Choices. Some neurodivergent or anxious kids are triggered by direct commands. Try this: Restore a sense of autonomy by offering choices. For example: Instead of “sit down right now” offer: “Would you like to sit on the blue floor cushion or use the wobble chair?” Both options accomplish the goal while giving the child agency.
TEN: Partner with Parents. Parents of children who are neurodivergent or have high needs in other ways have often had difficult experiences in church settings. Some of these families have been asked not to bring the child. You can turn that around. You can provide an atmosphere of teamwork and partnership. Try this: When they come to pick up their child, share something positive about their child with the parents.
If you are looking for some ideas on what to do about a particular challenge, approach the parents as a team player. Say something like, “we noticed that Johnny is unhappy when we have to stop one activity and move to another one. Is there something that you do at home that has been successful that we could implement here?” If they give you ideas, great. Try them out. If they also are stumped, say something like, “no problem. We will figure it out. We love having Johnny and we want to help him have a positive experience here.”
Much love,
Tom, Julie, & Amy Meekins
CONNECT WITH US: We are here for YOU!
We invite you to connect with us through:
Email: champions4parents@gmail.com
Phone: 410-746-9010 (Voice message or Text)
Facebook: facebook.com/Champions4Parents
Don’t forget our website: Champions4Parents.com
And check out Amy’s websites at:
AmyChristineMeekins.com
Amystories.wixsite.com/heartrecharge
If you would like to support us financially as we provide love and support to Parents and Caregivers as well as Ministry Leaders who serve families impacted by disability, we invite you to our donor page on our website: Champions4Parents.com/giving
